what a grandmother once told me

The Power of Sage, Ceder, and Rose to keep our relationships in balance.

It is that time of the year again when the dropping temperatures, falling colorful leaves, and richly moist and fragrant earth pull us into the gentler rhythm of autumn.

Today was a perfect day to sit down and bundle up dried herbs I had harvested earlier in the month and placed in my living room for a gentle drying. I picked up a big ball of red wool and gently pulled out the soft thread to wrap around one of my herbal bundles.

Suddenly, an energy entered through my back penetrating with a demanding radiance into the center of my heart, traveling upwards like a big yearning echo from the past, I knew so well from long ago, into my throat and further up gently releasing itself as a gentle tear that dropped right in front of me, out of my eye and into my stinging dried patch of juniper and cedar.

At that moment, I knew I wasn’t alone, I was at one with the voice of a Grandmother I know so well. And as a Grandmother has no time for nonsense, she got straight to the point. And so she wasted no time and began to speak.

Have you given thanks for all of your relationships this year? Here you are bundling cedar for next year’s circles but have you truly counted your blessings for all that people taught you this year including The good, bad, and the ugly?

I paused inside of myself as Grandmother’s voice spoke. Still holding my red thread ready to bundle the ceder she said. Look at this red thread in your hand. What does it mean? What is the symbolism of this thread? I looked at it and responded. It is a big red thread connected to a bulgy ball of wool. She said: right and while you are pulling out a single thread it is connected to what? I answered: the big ball of wool. She said, right so never forget that granddaughter. Never forget that we all belong to each other in the circle of life.

This is the only circle that exists. Nowhere else to go you see. There is no beginning and no end. So all of the people you meet along the road are your family. All of them. One way or another we are all connected just like your big red bulgy wool ball. It is only a matter of time until you meet again.

So when you have the gift of people come into your life, simply do your best. Never forget that all People in your life are there for a reason. So look at them as your teacher. Focus on what they are here to teach you about yourself. Take each relationship as a blessing to reveal more about how you can show up and serve. Never focus on what you want them to be. Embrace relationships all relationships as teaching you to become a better version of yourself. Do you hear me? I silently nodded with a yes.

So, have you blessed every person who came into a circle this year as your teacher, and have you thanked them for what they revealed to you? Not sure I answered. With some of them, I have and with some, I haven’t.

Well then go and sit with that in silence. Touch upon every person who touched your life this year and give thanks for the gift they brought to you. The gift might be sweet or it might be bitter. The greatest gifts await for our unpacking particularly when we feel like rejecting it, passing it on or outrightly refusing to receive it. Does this sound familiar? I checked in on myself being a little more open and curious about the places I might have bypassed in my process to stay conscious and upright in my relationships.

Grandmother looked at me with her all-seeing eye, knowing. There was no place to hide. She saw all of me. She said the only way to stay transparent is to practice no withholding granddaughter. So you might want to look at the places you have been withholding. Withholding from yourself and others.

And there is no point in wrapping more ceder if you haven’t fully honored the medicines this year. Go and sit with the medicine and honor it and yourself. Don’t get up before you aren’t fully done. Each itch, frustration, repeating mind-loop, projection on replay, it has to go. All of it! Let it go with the falling leaves of autumn. Simply release. Otherwise, there is no point in you sharing those teachings and offering those herbs.

So I sat down with my herbs and took some time out to pray and release. I traveled back on memory lane reviewing the year. And recalled each and everytime I got my cedar out for forgiveness for myself or for another. Releasing the energies one more time. Praying to the ceder to bring acceptance where I was struggling to bring it. Bringing forgiveness where I was struggling to give it. Clearing miscommunication where I struggled to speak it, clearing misperception where I simply couldn’t stay in clarity and caused confusion. And I kept going and going and going. Slowly but surely I felt calm and clear in my heart. I paused and look up. Grandmother was gone. She had left. I must be on the right track I thought to myself.

I then reached out to my Roses. I prayed to the divine Mother and her tremendous love to overcome heartbreak, the places of loss, grievance, and sense of no repair. I prayed to her sacred heart and the sacred blooming heart of the Rose, asking her spirit to heal all of the hard and chipped places inside of my heart. To finally release me of anxiety, stress and left over places of fear and doubt. I took a big out-breath into the process and felt warm tears of softness flow over my cheeks. As I felt gently held and safe I knew the Rose had done its healing work.

Finally with my tender heart open, reached out to my sage, and broke half a dried leave into two and gently lit it up one side touching the glowing yellow edge of the candlelight. I let the sage catch fire and dropped it into my shell. I pulled the shell right in front of me, took both of my hands to catch the blaming fumes of the medicine, and gently breathed its grounding and clearing spirit through my nose down my entire body, and out again. I kept going until all remnants of the echoes of the past were cleared and gone. All that was left was lightness, gratitude, and a sense of deep serenity.

I waited until the sage had fully burnt, sent a prayer of gratitude to my Grandmother who had come to remind me of what truly matters. That everything in our life is there for a reason. That If we shift our perspective to everyone being our teacher we take people simply as they are, embrace situations as an opportunity to grow and learn to stay humble in the face of the unknown. Above all we have Nature’s medicines to lean into as we embrace all parts of ourselves that might have gotten a little challenged in the learning curve.

The Red Wollen Ball, The Circle of Life, 2024